Harambe the harem god
by wlfmanjack
Summary: because why the fuck not
1. Harambe vs Salem

Amongst the wreckage of a demolished terrain, we find the wicked witch Salem standing victorious over four exhausted and beaten huntresses. Ruby, Yang, Blake, and Weiss felt helpless in the presence of the ultimate evil as she began to cackle, then declared, "Well that was fun, I almost broke a sweat back there, but if you don't mind. I'd like to take these artifacts and take over the world... or destroy it or whatever who fucking cares. I'm a scary demon lady HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

After panting Yang submitted, "Well girls, looks like this is the end for us."

"It was nice knowing you all," Blake concurred.

"WAIT! Girls," Ruby announced, "I know what we can do. We can call him to fight her."

Weiss's eyes widened in anticipation, "Are you talking about our lord and savoir?"

"Oh yes I am, ladies let's bring out Harambe."

Salem shook in fear as she stuttered, "Har-Har-Har... Harambe?"

Yang stood up first rejoicing, "Oh yeah, let our powers combine." The blonde then proceeded to rub her hands across her legs, then to her stomach, and ending with her boobs as she leaned forward giving them a small squeeze and yelled, "SEX APPEAL!"

Blake got on all fours, closed her hands just enough to resemble paws, brought her right wrist close to her face and purred, "FURRY!"

Weiss stood tall, stance wide, with her left hand on her hip, head cocked to the left with a stoic face, and her right index finger pointed upward, arm straight forward as she hushed, "Sass."

Finally Ruby topped it off by holding two peace signs to her face, leaning her body to the left, with one eye winking as she chirped, "KAWAII!"

The clouds opened up with a bright light descending upon them and emerging from this grand light was the magnificent gorilla himself as he announced, "With your powers combined, I... am... HARAMBE!"

"GOOOO HARAMBE," Team RWBY cheered.

Salem growled, "I'm not scared of you, take this." The witch fired a massive red beam of energy.

The gorilla took the blast head on, as it had no effect on him. He laughed, "Nice try Salem. Now let me show you some real power. Kaaaaaaa... Meeeeeeeee..."

"No, NOOOOO!" Salem cried witnessing Harambe gathering an immense amount of energy.

"HAAAAAA, MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Harambe's pure energy shook the entire multiverse, a bit overkill, but with Salem you can't be too careful.

Knowing she stood no chance, the witch begged for her life, "I'm sorry, I won't hurt anyone ever again just please don't kill me."

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The gorilla unleashed a powerful blast that destroyed Salem to a microscopic level, leaving no trace of her left. The gorilla stood proud as the four ladies dove on him for a group hug.

"That was amazing Harambe," Blake cheered.

"Yeah, you really gave that bitch what she deserved," Weiss concurred.

"Hey ladies," Yang soothed, "Anyone up for an orgy with our lord and savior."

The other members of Team RWBY cheered in excitement with a distant "don't forget about us." There stood Cinder as she was with every waifu the RWBY series has.

The gorilla declared, "Don't worry ladies there's plenty of me for all of you."

However, before they could begin, a random faggot said, "Is this really a Harambe fic, like Harambe memes are so lame and old. He was just a fucking gorilla."

Harambe responded by throwing that turd into the sun and after he fucked all the bitches in Remnant, he turned to the readers and said "Deal with it."

THE END


	2. Harambe saves Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and standing before Team RWBY and our lord and savior Harambe was the sight of a burning village in what was once a winter wonderland. The North Pole had been attack by an unknown force and it was up to our heroes to save Christmas."Oh god, who would do such a thing?" Ruby cried.

"I don't know little one," the Gorilla hushed, "but we're going to find out and make them pay."

The five heroes rushed through the chaos with elf corpses littered across the snow, they eventually made it inside Santa's workshop to find more dead elves and a beaten and restrained Santa. The man was bruised, cut, and crying at the hands of four malicious individuals. Cinder, Adam, Mercury, and Emerald had been caught red handed.

Harambe was bewildered at this sight, "Wha-what is the meaning of this? Cinder... Emerald, you ladies were completely reformed once you joined my harem. What happened?"

"It's really simple Harambe," Cinder soothed, "For the past several years, my friends and I have been placed on the **permanent** naughty list(not to be confused with the standard naughty list), so it seems no matter what we do, we are doomed to an eternity of Christmases with coal. So seeing as we're never going to see the reward of being good, we've decided to take all the presents for ourselves forever."

The Gorilla sighed, "I'm sorry you're all stuck on the permanent naughty list, I've tried countless times to convince Santa to remove your names, but-"

"That's right, you tried," Cinder snapped, "And you **FAILED** so as far as I'm concerned, you are hereby renounced as our lord and savoir."

"Say it ain't so," Ruby cried

The gorilla sighed, as he tried to negotiate, "Cinder please, the four of you can't beat me and I won't let you destroy Christmas."

"Oh I know we wouldn't stand a chance in a fight, which is why we found a new lord to follow. The one true lord."

"Oh no," The Gorilla gasped, "Please tell me you didn't-"

"Oh we did," Cinder hushed.

"What, what is she talking about?" Ruby asked.

Cinder grinned and turned to her minions, "Well, you guys ready to show her."

"Hell yeah," Mercury cheered, "Let our powers combine." The assassin then proceeded to rip his shirt off while flexing, "Ego."

Adam proceeded to punch the ground while holding a tightly clenched fist resting against his forehead, growling, "Angst."

Emerald then turned around to show off her butt with one knee raised and her head turned back facing the crowd as she chanted, "Shamelessness."

While Cinder leaned forward swaying her palm across her face as she whispered, "Kamidere."

With that, an energy emerged from the four of them forming a red illuminating ball that hovered in the air for a few seconds, then smashed into the ground leaving a crater behind. Cackling erupted from the crater as a red glow grew from the hole, "With your powers combined," a deep ominous voice called, "I... AM...-"

Suddenly, a tiny red creature oddly resembling an echidna shot out of the hole shouting in an African accent, "EBOLAAAAAAA!"

Team RWBY stood aghast at this creature while Adam, Cinder, Mercury, and Emerald chanted, "GOOOOO EBOLA!"

"What the fuck is that thing," Yang cried.

"Do u no de wae?" The creature asked.

"What-what way?"

"De wae of Ebola, Ebola is de wae."

"What the fuck are you even talking about?"

"De wae is de wae, only when u hav Ebola will u no de wae. For I am an Ugandan warrior, thus it is my job to show u de wae"

"Okay for real, it just sounds like you're talking nonsense for the sake of non-"

 _ ***SPITS***_

Yang threw her head back in disgust, "Ug WHAT da fuck, mother fucker just spit in my eye!"

"U r not de queen, thus u will never no de wae."

"Okay for real, I'm killing that thing."

"No Yang," Harambe hindered, "I will handle this monster myself."

Cinder knelt down to the tiny creature and soothed, "Kill the gorilla my bruddah, for he denies the way."

The creature complied, "Worry not sistah, all those who deny de wae will die." The creature than shot up in the sky smashing through the roof yelling, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And as the creature left, a random faggot appeared, "Jesus, you realize the do you know the way meme was dead after a week of- ** _ackkk_ "**

The faggot was interrupted by Cinder throwing a glass javelin at him as she noted, "God damn, don't you just hate those random faggots."

The gorilla charged up his energy then flew up after him, Team RWBY along with Cinder and her goons exited the workshop to view the epic battle. Harambe tried to punch the tiny target, but the Ugandan warrior proved to be too quick for him as he dashed about the gorilla striking at him from all angles. Team Rwby was worried that their lord and savoir may not make it out alive.

Harambe began panting as he stated, "Looks like I'm gonna have to go all out- _ **HRAAAAAAAAAAA!"**_ The magnificent beast then changed into a gold and purple form, "You ready for my full power?"

"Ha- u tink this will be enough, I 2 have powers of a god- _**ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"**_ The small echidna then grew blue spikey hair while surrounding himself in a blue aura.

"This is getting intense," Ruby quivered, "Do you think Harambe's going to be okay?"

"Honestly," Weiss muttered, "I can't help but think this makes Harambe look like the bad guy. I mean his transformation does resemble Golden Frieza and that thing seems to resemble Super Saiyan Blue Goku."

But before Weiss could finish her thought, another random faggot appeared, "Who fucking cares, Dragon Ball is the most overrated anime series of all time and this author sucks- **_kaw_**!" The faggot cried as Ruby shot him dead with Crescent Rose.

"Jeeze how many faggots are out here today?" Ruby moaned.

Adam then interjected, "You know you shouldn't use the word faggot in a hateful demeaning way, context wise you're not using the term in a hateful manner against homosexuals, but normalizing the word causes harmful connotations to society that hurt the LGBTQ+ community as a whole."

"Shut up faggot," Blake snarled.

"Yeah, stop being a faggot and go suck a dick or something," Yang added.

"Good one babe," Blake cheered while giving the blonde waifu a high five, "You're the best."

"No you're the best," Yang hushed as she starred into the cat girl's eyes.

What proceeded was the two waifus locked into a sloppy make out session that was cut short by Weiss, squirting at them with a spray bottle, "Hey, HEY knock it off. Save it for our next orgy with Harambe."

"Assuming we'll get to have another orgy with him," Ruby cried as she looked up at the ongoing battle. There we see Harambe and the echidna locked in a beam struggle.

The Ugandan Warrior bantered, "You have fought valiantly Harambe, but I hav ze wae of ze bruddahs, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

* * *

Back in the magical world of Uganda we find multiple echidnas and hedgehogs hearing the cry of their bruddah, "Listen bruddahs, a fellow warrior needs our help."

"YES! We must give him our power, ohhhhhhhhh-"

"-OHHHHHHHH" they all cried as energy left their bodies.

* * *

Back at the fight, we see the echidna's power nearly doubled, pushing Harambe to his limits.

"Oh no," Yang trembled.

"YOU CAN DO IT HARAMBE," Ruby Shrieked, "DON'T GIVE UP!"

"Looks like I have no choice," Harambe growled, "I'll have to call in outside help too." Using his telekinetic powers, the magnificent gorilla relayed a message to all the males of Remnant. A message that spread to Haven, Atlas, Beacon, and Menagerie "Attention husbandos, I am currently locked in an epic battle and have only one request that can save my life. Get's your dicks out of your pants."

* * *

In Beacon, Cardin Winchester was the fist to comply, "You got it Harambe, come on boys" as all of Team CRDL complied.

Jaune and Ren turned to each other, "Well looks like Harambe needs our help, you ready?" Ren stated

"Always ready for Harambe," Jaune answered as the two followed suit, pulling their dicks out.

* * *

In Ozpin's office, he turned over to Qrow, "It appears our lord and savoir is in bit of a pickle."

"Indeed, now let's whip out our pickles," Qrow groaned as the two men dropped their pants.

* * *

In Atlas we find James Ironwood speaking before his army, "Men, our lord and savoir is in trouble. Thus I declare Operation Dicks out for Harambe."

"HOORAH," They cheered complying with the order.

* * *

Harambe felt the power of millions of exposed penises coursing through his veins and with that, he fired a beam so powerful, it instantly destroyed the little echidna. As he descended to the ground, Team RWBY dived onto him.

"You did it Harambe," Ruby cheered, "I was so worried."

"No need to worry little one," The Gorilla soothed, "I'll always be there for you."

"Hey Harambe," Yang interrupted, "What should we do about them." She gestured at Cinder and her crew all shaking in fear.

"Don't worry Yang, I have the perfect solution for them."

* * *

What followed was Cinder and her followers being forced to wear shock collars and elf attire while being enslaved to make toys for Santa forever. The jolly man in red praised, "Well Harambe, you've saved my life once again, but I'm afraid I can't make this year's delivery."

"Wha- but why," Ruby sniffed.

"I'm afraid, those four beat Santa pretty good, I just don't think I'll have the energy to do it. Hell, I'm already behind schedule as is."

"Well, we can make your delivery for you," Yang suggested.

"Will you, oh that would be great."

All of Team RWBY unanimously agreed and cheered, "Yeah let's do it, we're gonna save Christmas."

"Then it's decided," Harambe concurred, "You four deliver presents to all the good boys and girls, while Santa, Mrs. Claus, and myself have a little fun."

"Oh I don't know Harambe," Santa moaned, "I just don't think I'll have the strength."

"Nonsense you'll be fine Santa, we'll do it gently," The gorilla hushed.

"Well okay, what the heck."

"HOORAY," Team RWBY cheered.

And thus ends our tale, Team RWBY successfully delivered all the presents and Harambe had a threesome with Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Lol this chapter was a lot longer than the first. In all honesty, the only reason this chapter exists is because of Captain Pollution. Considering How in the first chapter Team RWBY summoned Harambe like Captain Planet, I wanted to recapture that scene on the evil side and since Ugandan Knuckles memes are considered by some to be more annoying than Harambe memes. It had to be done, I'll probably never write another chapter to this. Wouldn't even know what to write tbh, but hey maybe I'll think of something the next time I smoke some weed.**


	3. Harambe on Pineapple pizza

In a lively Italian restaurant, we find the four members of Team RWBY enjoying each other's company at a booth. Yang sat by her sister Ruby while Weiss and Blake occupied the other side, "I'm telling you guys," Yang pleaded, "Michelangelo's has the best pizza. Ruby and I came here all the time when we were little. You _HAVE_ to try it."

"Alright fine," Weiss conceded, "I guess I'll start my diet tomorrow."

"That's right you will and since this was Ruby and my idea, we're paying for it. Now I'm thinking we should split a two topping extra large for twenty, plus tip that would equal to uhhh-"

"About thirteen lien and twenty four cents," Ruby answered.

"Wow Ruby, did you do that in your head? That's impressive."

"Quick maths bitch."

The four were soon joined by their waiter as he asked, "Alright now, how can I help you ladies?"

"Yeah uh," Yang stammered," We want and extra large pie-"

"WITH BREAD STICKS!" Ruby interrupted as she witnessed them on the menu.

"Uh, yeah okay," Yang agreed, "An order of bread sticks, with an extra large pie, with peperoni and pineapple."

"Okay," The waiter submitted, "I'll be sure to-"

"WHOA, WHOA NO!" Blake growled, "When da fuck did you say we were putting pineapple on this thing?"

"WHAT! How can you not like pineapple?" Ruby cried, "Its so yummy."

"It fucking disgusting," Weiss added.

"Oh god, not again," The waiter groaned, "Look I'll give you four a minute to decide what you want."

"Guys," Yang huffed, "Pineapple is the best, I mean have you two even tried it?"

"I don't have to try it," Blake argued, "I know sweet tasting fruit, doesn't belong on a salty pizza."

"But that's why its yummy," Ruby defended, "The saltiness of the pizza and the sweetness of pineapple blend together in a massive flavorful tasty bite you can't get with any other topping."

"Girls," Weiss growled, "We're not putting fucking fruit on a pizza, end of discussion."

"Oh, okay fine," Yang huffed, "Then what the hell topping do you fucks want?"

"Well whenever my family ordered pizza, we always got anchovies." Blake admitted.

This revelation put a massive shock over the two sisters as Weiss added, "Actually anchovies sounds delightful, I haven't had them years."

"FUCK... **NO!** " Yang fumed, "We're not putting your gross ass fish, on a pizza."

"You two sicken me," Ruby commented.

"What is there to hate?" Weiss argued, "Pizza's salty and anchovies are salty. The overall experience is quite exquisite."

Ruby fumed, "Well why don't we just dump a gallon of salt on our food?"

"Oh I'm sorry," The Schnee said condescending like, "Would you prefer a gallon of sugar instead?"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you."

What followed next was an intense argument amongst the four women until Ruby mediated, "Girls, girls. I have a solution, let's just get **HIM** , to settle this dispute."

Yang, "Fine by me, Sex appeal."

Blake, "Furry."

Weiss, "Sass."

Ruby, "Kawaii."

Then, the magnificent gorilla appeared before them, "Alright ladies," Harambe interjected, "What seems to be the problem?"

Yang started, "Harambe, can you tell these **CUNT** biscuits, that anchovies are disgusting and pineapple is the superior topping?"

Blake barked, "Oh really, so I'm a cunt biscuit now? Alright then, Harambe, please tell these fuck sticks pineapple on pizza is a sin against nature?"

The gorilla looked upon the four girls and had a small chuckle, "Oh my, is that what this is about?"

"YES!" The four said in unison.

"Well I'm afraid I can't take a side in this dispute. Partly because I can't stand either on my pizza, but mostly because there's no wrong answer here."

"What do you mean?" Ruby squeaked.

"Ladies, the culinary fields are an open invitation for an infinite number of options. What might be disgusting for you is delicious to others and that's okay. We don't have to like the same foods, hell some people don't even like pizza at all. Everyone's different and that's the beauty of food, that it can be tailored to everyone's desires."

Yang sighed, "You're right Harambe, you're so incredibly wise. I'm sorry guys."

"I'm sorry too," Weiss concurred.

After the four apologized to each other, Harambe then stated, "But you know, there's one pizza topping everyone loves."

"What is it," Ruby asked.

The gorilla then proceeded to plop his genitalia on the table, "Deez nuts."

"Aw, Harambe," The leader giggled. Then the four ladies proceeded to laugh and all agreed on a peperoni and olive pizza. Afterwards, the five of them beat the crap out of a random faggot for complaining about overusing old memes.

 **The End**

 **P.S. As the author, I find pineapple pizza fucking amazing. Pineapple + Pizza = Awesome. Quick maths**


End file.
